Shoes I Would Not, Could Not, Wear

Here’s something you will never see me wear… the Sky Heel Shoe. Nine inch heels from Hell. Pure discomfort. Yessirree, fashion gone mad, and ankles gone… well, ankles just gone. Imagine doing the cha cha in these things! Check them out below, picture courtesy of http://news.softpedia.com/news/9-Inch-Sky-Heel-Shoe-Will-Be-Tallest-Available-in-Stores-166402.shtml.

Speaking of discomfort, and for that matter, fashion gone mad, check these babies out:

Picture courtesy of http://fashionmodel.mtx5.com/tag/crazy-fashion/, these are called the porcupine killer shoes. Guess that means if you find yourself on the wrong end of a porcupine (most any end will do), you just might come out ahead.

Or the toeless boots, picture below courtesy of the same website named in the previous paragraph:

Now, tell me, just what is the point? No, I don’t really want to know. I call these the “owwwies” which is what I would say if I stepped on a rock wearing these things. Or maybe the “ewwwies” after stepping in something squishier and much smellier than a rock. I would say something like that, if I survived being pitched forward on my face after stepping on or in you name it, or after stepping on or in nothing at all. Look at the angle of her foot. It defies geometry.

I could go on, the web is full of pictures of these crazy shoes. Personally, I’m a boring shoe/boot person, just ask any of my friends, opting for 2-inch or less heels, or no heels, in normal colors. Cute styles, in my opinion, but pitifully normal. Me, I’m afraid of all of these shoes. Definitely, they are not for the faint of heart. They are only suitable for the most poised and graceful among us, models trained for the catwalk. Or maybe not. A particular video I saw a couple of years ago comes to mind (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-cqUj99zMI)…

Yeah, I felt sorry for her, once I stopped laughing and could breathe again. Now, if she had only worn her SENSIBLE shoes…

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6 thoughts on “Shoes I Would Not, Could Not, Wear

  1. I have never worn high heels and wouldn’t want to start this late in life, especially any of the ones you have on this post.

    • No joke! I used to stuff my feet into what I consider high heels… years ago… but nothing rivaling these things! I’m all about the comfort now!

  2. I wore high heels when I worked in the Pentagon – I spent 7 years walking in them on those gawdawful concrete floors (and a few carpeted ones) and my legs, back, and feet never recovered. Now I go strictly for comfort – what is wrong with these designers anyway?? Bizarre footwear is just wrong. Wrong I tell you. 😉

    • I agree with you totally! I’d rather have a root canal than wear painful shoes all day… at least you get drugs with a root canal! I’ll tell you what’s wrong with the designers… they’re sadistic!

  3. if I had better balance and a more graceful gait I would wear heels more often… even crazy ones…

    I can say that because I don’t see my galumphing ever being cured… so no danger in having to test that theory…

    • I’m not much in the grace department either. Nothing funnier than seeing people who can’t walk in high heels put on a pair of heels and give it a go. If you ever decide to try it someday… give me a call! 🙂

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